Doing a Paraguayan asado the Canadian way

So asado is as Paraguayan as pizza is Italian or hotdogs are American. It's a bbq, always done over coals made from real wood, not the sawdust-held-together-with-glue-we-all-look-the-same coals that North Americans use. We decided to have one, our first one with company, so we invited about 25 people and bought some meat. Turns out, an asado is a bit more complicated than just buying meat.

The key to a good asado is to have lots of meat. I figured just over 1/2 a pound per person would be enough. Not quite. I was kindly told that for an asado to be a success, you must have 2/3 of a pound of meat per person, unless you do beef ribs, in which case you need just over a pound of meat per person. So I got some more meat. Some pork chops were donated to the cause to compliment the vacio (some boneless cut of beef that is not too sinewy) and the chorizo (sausage) which come both very spicey (in Canada we call it medium spicy and in Texas, mild) and not spicy. Both the pork and beef must be sprinkled with a mixture of salt, garlic, and onion. Cooked slowly for a good hour, the meat must have no trace of pink.

Next, you must have good coal. And lots of it, so I ran around town looking for a big sack of coal. Now I have enough coal to last a year. I'm considering buying a coal powered lawn mower to use it up.

Mandioca (yuca) is a must for any Paraguayan at anything that remotely resembles a meal. This too was donated, but forgot about until it was time to eat, at which point it was dug out of the ground (causing a debate about when mandioca is mature enough to dig out of the ground [maduro es cuando es más duro] which resulted in a marital spat), peeled, and boiled for no more than 5 minutes becuase it was so young and tender.

Another must is Chipaguazú. A mushed up corn/cheese/egg dish that is baked. Rosey forgot about it and it got a little dark on the bottom. After a three day soak, it still didn't want to come off the pan with steel wool. I was later told that instead of buying the corn already cut off the cob I should go to the market, get the people there to husk it for me so I can see that it is good corn and then take it home and cut it off the cob myself. Apparently the store bought corn gets a sourish taste and our chipaguazú had it. I didn't notice.

We decided on a lettuce salad. This was not Paraguayan enough so someone tried to convince me that a cabbage salad would be much better. I ignored them and made lettuce salad anyways. Someone else made a cucumber salad to save the day.

The juice was to be fresh passion fruit juice. We picked the fruit off the vine, threw it in the blender and made juice. I Canadianized it with some pineapple pop.

Then I threw three pineapples on the grill. That took everyone by surprise but it was all gone by the end of the night. Apparently, Canadians do somethings right.

When I set the table, I took the paper plates so lessen the dishes that we would have to wash. I was asked if Rosey wanted the paper plates. I assured the lady that, yes, Rosey wanted the paper plates and she said ok. When I walked out the door I heard her say that they would have to learn to do some things the Canadian way. Apparently paper plates when you have company is not what is done.

And then we didn't have napkins. The Paraguayans at this Canadian asado didn't know what to do.

One guy politely told me that I needed to practice the asado thing a little bit more and that he would make the sacrifice and allow me to practice with him as my company.